You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
