so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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