you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
