I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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