I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
