So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
