Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
