if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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