new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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