Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
