so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They have beer where we have blood.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
