No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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