I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
