Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
