I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
