Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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