for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
