so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
