We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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