people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
