at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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