he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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