You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
babies were throwing up all over the place
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
