forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
