He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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