You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
operation harelip BJ is a go
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
