it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
