Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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