I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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