The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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