I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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