Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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