planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
