Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
