Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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