Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Randomize
