I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
