Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
