you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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