kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
