do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
