Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
