guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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