so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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