I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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