I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
