Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
