I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
