dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
