I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
