Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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