I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
