he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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