Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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