it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
