i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
