he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
