Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
