I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
