I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
