I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
