I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
