You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
