I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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