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• (239): View more from Florida

  I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  You were.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup

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• (561): View more from Florida

  i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?

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• (760): View more from California

  Dude what happened last night?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.

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