thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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