i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
