Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
