We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
