i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
