My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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