I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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