if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Mom said you looked used
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
