I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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