I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
