watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
