He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
