Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
