Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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